Let’s face it: Everybody has self-defeating habits in some area of their life. Self-defeating habits are those behaviors and thoughts that hold us back from achieving our goals and living our best lives. They are often automatic, unconscious, and counterproductive, harming our relationships, health, future, and well-being. This article will discuss the top 10 ways to understand better your self-defeating habits and how to overcome them.
Here is a list of some of the most common self-defeating behaviors:
- Perfectionism
- Masking
- Avoidance
- Seeking Approval
- Self-pity
- Compromising values
- Neglecting Mental or Physical Health
- Procrastination
- Comparison
- Overthinking
- Constant Complaining
- Overly critical of others
- Self-sabotaging thoughts
- Overspending
- Unrealistic expectations
- Refusing help
- Self-punishment
- Risky behavior of all sorts
- Drug and alcohol abuse
Where do Self Defeating Behaviors Come From:
According to this article: Theories suggest that self-defeating behaviors are a kind of defense mechanism, fooling people into thinking that they are coping with stress, pressure, social demands, etc., while others suggest that self-defeating behaviors help a person to stay within their comfort zone (e.g., if someone feels a lack of self-confidence, they may sabotage a job opportunity to remain at a certain career level).
Here are ten ways to better understand your self-defeating habits
- Identify your self-defeating patterns.
The first step to overcoming self-defeating habits is identifying them. The list above is an excellent place to start brainstorming your particular self-defeating patterns. Pay attention to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors holding you back from achieving your goals. Do you procrastinate, self-sabotage, or engage in negative self-talk? If so, you might be your own worst enemy. Once identified, you can begin to work on changing them.
- Unpack the underlying beliefs and emotions.
Self-defeating habits often stem from underlying beliefs and emotions we may not know. For example, you may believe you are not good enough to “do be or have” (fill in the blank.) or fear failure could be holding you back. Understanding these underlying beliefs and emotions is essential to challenge and change them.
- Practice self-awareness
Self-awareness is critical to overcoming self-defeating habits. How can you work against something you don’t know exists, much less understand. Grab a pen and paper and take time to listen and record what’s going on in your mind.
Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors throughout the day. Notice when you engage in self-defeating behaviors and what triggers them. It can help you understand your habits better and make changes.
- Use mindfulness techniques
Mindfulness techniques such as meditation and deep breathing can help you become more self-aware and present. When we auto-pilot with self-destructive tendencies, the results should not be surprising.
Being present and staying in the moment can give you far more information on why you do what you do. Mindfulness techniques can help you break out of automatic, self-defeating patterns and make more conscious choices about your thoughts and behaviors.
- Challenge your negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is a common self-defeating habit that can hold you back from achieving your goals. Pay attention to the messages you are giving yourself and challenge negative thoughts with evidence-based positive self-talk.
For example, if you tell yourself that you will never be successful, challenge that thought by reminding yourself of times when you were successful. Sometimes we struggle to gather information to challenge these intrusive thoughts; if that’s the case, then set aside time to sit down and list some accomplishments or positive experiences you’ve had throughout your life so that you might have a better frame of reference moving forward.
- Set realistic goals
Setting unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of overwhelm and self-defeat. You want your goals to be challenging but not impossible. Setting realistic goals that are achievable and aligned with your values and priorities is essential.
Break larger goals down into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. As you reach your smaller goals, you’ll develop more self-confidence in your abilities. This self-belief will go a long way in challenging self-defeating habits.
- Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, care, and understanding, especially in times of difficulty or failure. It is important to practice self-compassion when working on overcoming self-defeating habits.
These habits tend to make us overly critical and pessimistic about ourselves. When are you the hardest on yourself? Acknowledge that change is a process, and be gentle with yourself as you work towards your goals.
- Build a support network.
Overcoming self-defeating habits can be challenging, and it can be helpful to seek support from others. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your struggles and get help and encouragement.
Having a positive network not only allows others to pour into you but also you to encourage and support them. Helping others can often be a powerful way to notice your pain points. Don’t overthink this step by hoping and wishing for the ultimate tribe of “like-minded” people. Look around you and start where you are. As you continually work on yourself, you will begin to attract those people and the self-confidence and self-respect required to keep them.
- Replace self-defeating habits with positive behaviors.
Replacing self-defeating habits with positive behaviors is a crucial step toward lasting change. For example, if you procrastinate, set a short timer and work on a task for that time.
Then, take a break and reward yourself for your progress. It can help you to break out of the self-defeating habit of procrastination and replace it with more productive behavior. If you can do this, behavior by behavior, you’ll have a much better chance at success.
- Practice self-reflection
Finally, practicing self-reflection is vital to understanding your self-defeating habits and making lasting changes. Take time regularly to reflect on your progress, successes, and challenges. Consider what works for you and what you still need to work on. Keep a journal and make a note of your highs and your lows. What habits did you see, and what worked best in counteracting them? As you see patterns form, you can use them to your advantage. It can help you to stay motivated and committed to your goals.
Understanding your self-defeating habits is the best way to eliminate them from your path. Life hands us plenty of twists, turns, and even hurdles along the way; we must control what we can by encouraging our end of the bargain.
If you incorporate these practical strategies, it will be easier to understand the active ways you might be sabotaging your potential. Take them one day at a time. On the path to your aspirations, always be your biggest fan!
Be well + prosper,
Elaine xx
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