Asking for help, especially during seasons of stress and anxiety can be the hardest thing to do. Yet, this is usually when we need help the most. I believe that there are two main reasons why it is so hard to ask for help in times of stress. Firstly, we think it makes us look weak and incapable of handling our challenges. It’s the exact opposite. It takes sheer bravery to be vulnerable enough to realize that you need help and then to ask for it. The second reason that we don’t ask for the help that we need is that we are overly considerate and we don’t like imposing ourselves on others. But the truth is that everyone has a different capacity for handling stress. What might seem like the end of the world to you can just be a mild irritation to someone else. Also, it’s easier for someone else to help you with your problem because it’s not their problem. So they generally can be focused and clear-headed about helping you solve your dilemma. Not to mention that it may even be fun to them because they can get the reward of helping you with any personal consequence or risk.
Asking for help takes vulnerability and opens you up to another person. For some of us, this may come easy. For those of you who struggle, read on for some ways to ask for help. Trust me, it can ease your anxiety and stress!
Accept That You Need and Deserve Help
The first and possibly hardest step is accepting that you not only need help, but you deserve it. Maybe you used to ask for help all the time, but negative responses made you stop. If you’re struggling, though, you need to accept that you need help or your situation could possibly get worse.
Give that younger version of yourself who hardened their heart to others a break. You have come a long way since then. You’ve managed to do a lot on your own, so it is not unreasonable to ask others to help you now. As you grow from taking action, new problems can arise. That’s the natural progression of life. It is often the case that those around you would rather know you need help than watch you fail.
Be Clear on What You Need
Once you accept that you need and deserve help, you need to make sure you know exactly what you need help with. Make sure you know exactly what it is so you can go to the right source and ask the right questions.
Often, we struggle with requests for help because we don’t know what we need. We convey some vague ideas that we think might help, but the other person gets confused and offers solutions that don’t make your life any easier. All of that struggle can be avoided if you know exactly what you need.
Don’t Leave People Guessing About What You Need
According to Alice Boyes of PsychologyToday.com, “When asking for help, make sure the person knows exactly what you want. For example, if you want your spouse to show you what to do, rather than just tell you, make sure specifically you ask for that.” Your spouse is not required to have the ability to read your mind.
This strategy will also apply to the workplace. Your boss and coworkers may sometimes seem like they are waiting around for you to fail. The truth is they actually want you to succeed because you are on their team. When you do your job better, it lifts up the whole team. Chances are that your boss makes more money too!
Therefore, in relationships both personal and professional, make sure you are specific about what you need. The clearer you are, the more likely you will receive the support you need and deserve.
Offer Help
When you readily help others, they will readily help you. The key is knowing when to say no. If you are already feeling overwhelmed, you may not be able to meet someone’s request. This is fine! You have to make sure that you are doing well before you can really help others.
When you are doing well, however, it benefits you and others to offer quality assistance to friends, family, coworkers, and your community. When those around you are happy and productive, it benefits your entire community! So, take some time to help others and it will back to you.
Asking for help can be difficult because we think it makes us look weak or incompetent. We may even be embarrassed that we even need help; fearing the judgment of others. But everybody needs help at some point in life, and we were placed here to help one another. Understanding that the root of this poor mindset is usually based on fear, pride, or ego is an eye-opener that brings us one step closer to our breakthrough. We have to push on past these fears and insecurities with the firm belief that we need and deserve assistance. We must also walk the walk and help others when it’s our turn to be the rock.
Remember, you are a rock star, but, even a star needs a little help along the way!
Be well + prosper,
Elaine xx