Have you ever considered that your need for control could stem from a deeper problem? I get it. When everything and everybody in your life is under control, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You feel euphoric because you know everything in your life is copacetic.
Who wouldn’t want the endorphins from this” don’t worry, be happy lifestyle”? Not only that, your ego gets a boost because, hey, you got your stuff together, and the whole world is watching.
#Insta
#Tiktoc
Ego aside, an underlying and unaddressed problem could lurk behind the scenes that you may not be aware of.
Anxiety
You may not have ever seen the connection between your anxiety and your constant need to control your circumstances. Better yet, you may even fall into the category of what I like to call “super worriers.” These are people prone to excessive worrying.
If that is you, I am here to offer tips to help you overcome your need to control everything and find peace of mind amid the chaos.
Warrior versus Worrier Gene
I was floored when I first learned about the science-backed phenomenon of the warrior versus the worrier gene. Yeah, it’s a real thing. We tend to overlook that behavior has a basis in biology and experience.
The COMT gene, the warrior or the worrier gene, affects dopamine and adrenaline in the brain. To simplify:
The warrior type can break down adrenaline and dopamine quickly and copes well in high-stress situations but may struggle with motivation and lower mood.
The worrier generally feels things more deeply and has higher concentration levels but is also more prone to becoming overwhelmed and anxious.
To complicate matters worse, some people have a hybrid of the two extremes.
The takeaway is that some people are genetically more prone to worry and may be more prone to control their surroundings.
Whether you are primarily a warrior or a worrier, here are some tips to help you overcome the tendencies toward control and embrace the power of harmony in your life.
7 Tips to Help You Release the Need to Control:
- Realize that Control is an Illusion:
The ability to be in control one hundred percent of the time is not only an illusion but impossible. You can not dictate all of the outcomes throughout your entire life. Of course, there are many things you can control. Hard work, determination, planning, and great habits can significantly impact the quality of your life.
However, some things are that simple, and many are inherently unpredictable. So, the more you cling to this illusion of control, the more stressed you become and the more frustrated and disappointed you feel when things don’t go your way. Accept that there are limits to what you can control and let the rest go.
- Embrace the Uncertainty
Some of life’s beauty lies in its unpredictability. Some of the greatest moments of your life came from nowhere. Embrace that uncertainty. It might shift your perspective but allows you to navigate new situations gracefully and patiently. Refrain from resisting change or avoiding unpredictability; lean in and recognize there’s a chance for growth.
- Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a valuable and powerful tool in your journey to let go and find balance. By cultivating mindfulness, you detach yourself from the desperate need to control the outcome. Instead of getting caught up in the past or obsessing about the future, focus on the present, find peace, and enjoy clarity in the here and now. It may be easier said than done for many of you, but you will improve with practice.
- Identify Areas that You Can Control
Understanding how limited your control is is just as important as recognizing your areas of control. When you know what you can control, you can focus your efforts and energy on those areas to maximize those outcomes. This strategy gives you a deep sense of empowerment without the added burden of managing something unmanageable.
- Respect The Process
Letting go is not necessarily a sign of weakness. It is an acknowledgment that you are human. Sometimes, you must surrender to the process and let life do what it will without trying to control every detail.
- Recognize Perfectionism at Work
Two significant issues plague us – the need for control and perfectionism, which go hand-in-hand. When you embrace imperfection, you’re letting go of control – you’re letting go of the idea that everything needs to be flawless and freeing yourself from the unrealistic expectations society places on you. Find joy in those imperfections; that’s where you can flourish.
- Embrace Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is essential because you can’t let go and find balance without it. You need to recognize that it’s OK that you don’t have it all figured out, that it’s OK if you’re still making mistakes – it’s all part of the human experience. `Treat yourself with kindness in those moments of uncertainty.
Final Thoughts
As chaotic as modern life can be, you can find balance. Getting it right is challenging, especially when embracing life’s spontaneity while creating an efficient routine to maximize your time and opportunities.
A big part of it requires control. The problem is that the constant pursuit of control can stress you out and make you incredibly anxious—the need for too much control spirals into perpetual tension. There is a delicate balancing act between leaning into life and letting go of control. You have to make a conscious effort to loosen your grip on those reins, but in doing so, you will finally find harmony in life!
The biggest secret is you’ll find harmony in this moment, which means letting go and enjoying every moment for what it is.
Be well + prosper,
Elaine xx
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