After so many years of negative programming, you might be wondering is it even possible to stop beating yourself up? The short answer is yes it is possible.
We’ve been here before. We allow a circumstance, mistake, or bad decision to negatively impact our lives and self-esteem long after the incident occurred. By doing so, we end up being unable to fully enjoy the present and take advantage of new opportunities and experiences that come our way.
Dwelling over a mistake for extended periods can be very detrimental to your way of life. After all, our time here is limited and each passing moment cannot be replayed or started over. It is difficult to enjoy the newness offered each day when your mind is constantly troubled by regret and negative self-feedback. Dwelling on the negative experiences of the past can lead to depression.
In this article, we will discuss why it is perfectly okay to stop beating yourself up over a mistake and how habitually doing so can affect your well-being, as well as the people in your life. We’ll also discover some amazing strategies you can use today to begin your self-healing journey.
News Flash: You Are Human
In case you haven’t noticed, human beings are programmed to make mistakes. None of us are given an instruction manual at birth detailing the correct way to handle the vast array of decisions and events we experience throughout our lifetimes. Therefore, it makes no sense to go through life with the intent of being perfect.
Of course, you should strive to make good decisions and handle situations to the best of your ability, but only with the knowledge that you will not always do so. Any mistake you end up making should not come as a total surprise, but should instead serve as a reminder that you are a fallible human being, just like the billions of other people around you.
Being human is a beautiful thing. We are capable of so many emotions, creations, and discoveries. However, we are far from perfect and mistakes are sure to happen. Always keep that in mind.
Mistakes Can Be Transformed Into Lessons
A great way to avoid beating yourself up over a shortcoming or wrong decision is to not always see the situation in a negative light. Instead, try to realize that mistakes are a necessary part of the learning process. Consider this, every single thing you have ever learned how to do with any level of expertise has been achieved through trial and error. This process in no way ends just because you have become an adult. For as long as you live, you will continue to encounter new situations.
That being said, it is silly to think that, as an adult, you will somehow be able to respond to new situations the right way from the start. If you ever reach a point in your life where you fail to make a mistake here and there, this is probably a bad sign. It could mean that you’re not taking risks and trying new things that cause you to grow. If nothing you do poses a challenge, this might mean that you are at a place of stagnation.
It is important to consider each mistake as a lesson that allows you to adjust, modify your actions, and do better the next time and grow.
Change Your Perspective
Most of us do our best to forgive others when they have messed up. This is especially true for those closest to us. Sure, we may be upset and even angry for a while, but we usually don’t hold the issue over the offender’s head for long periods of time.
Ironically, we struggle to offer the same forgiveness to ourselves. Try to change your mindset the next time you find yourself refusing to forgive yourself. After all, nobody is closer to you than you. Knowing that forgiveness is a mandatory part of maintaining external relationships, it’s also a requirement for nurturing yourself and your mental and emotional health.
3 Ways To Stop Beating Yourself Up and Start Experiencing More Joy:
- Observe Your Thoughts: Awareness is a key starting point for change. Begin to notice your thought patterns so that you can catch your inner critic before she blows things out of proportion. Replace those self-critical thoughts with position affirmations. Instead of saying (in your mind) “what’s wrong with you. You know you’re no good at this.” You can say: “I may not be where I want to be but I’m on my way. I can get good at this with time and practice.” Be your cheerleader.
- Do Something That You Enjoy: When you experience a negative circumstance or make a bad decision or a mistake. Instead of jumping in full force into “fix-it” mode, try distracting yourself by doing something you enjoy. Not only will you preserve mental energy but you could also release those feel-good endorphins. This could put you in a better frame of mind for problem-solving. Answers may come to you quicker when you approach your situation from a “beautiful place” versus a place of stress and anxiety. In this positive frame of mind, you will be less likely to beat yourself into the ground.
- Create a List of Your Best Qualities and Read it Often: Take a survey from your close friends and family, by asking them what are your best qualities. Make a list and read it back to yourself often. I did this a while ago and it works like a charm. I used to experience frequent spats with my inner critic regularly. This is very common for creative people and outliers. Maybe you just ain’t like most folk and you find yourself not “fitting in”. You know it and they know it. As a result, you can find yourself constantly “mansplaining” to yourself and others why you are the way you are. Learn to accept yourself, love yourself, quirks, and all. Self-acceptance is a powerful tool. This list will help.
There are many strategies you can use to help you to stop beating yourself up. The three above are a great place to start. Constant, relentless self-criticism is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. It can leave you exhausted and unable to focus on the good things in your life. Make a decision today to release the past, embrace the now, and look forward to the future with hope. It may take a little practice, but over time, if you are committed, you will get good at it. Before you know it, beating yourself up will be a thing of the past.
You got this!
Be well + prosper,
Elaine xx