Self-esteem, i.e., how you view yourself, is a muscle that needs to be continually built up and nurtured, which can be exhausting. Because self-esteem can shift over time or from moment to moment, you must be vigilant to protect it. Keeping our high self-esteem in check takes a lot of energy and practice. Even those who seem to have been born with high self-esteem must learn to guard and nurture it as time, negative experiences, and our negative thoughts can tear us down.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can feel challenging to change. We also think of this as self-confidence. Your self-esteem can affect whether you like and value yourself.
Self-esteem is the lens you look through when you consider who you are. If you have low self-esteem, you may negatively view yourself. For example, instead of seeing your gift for communication, you see yourself as someone who talks too much.
When you have low self-esteem, it’s easy to fixate on your flaws. You don’t have to let low self-esteem destroy your confidence. There are simple yet decisive steps you can take to start building up your self-esteem today.
8 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem
- First, learn to be kind to yourself.
Before we dive deep into ways to boost self-esteem, we need to emphasize the importance of self-compassion. Let’s be wise and envelop our personal development journey in self-compassion. It is vitally important to understand that there is nothing “wrong” with you and that you are simply on a trip to a happier, more fulfilling life. Self-esteem revolves around your personal opinion of yourself and your accomplishments thus far. However, we live in a world inundated with social media images and IG stories that cause us to compare ourselves and what we are doing to everyone on the planet constantly. If we don’t have self-compassion, comparison can destroy our motivation to be a better version of ourselves. Let’s not base our self-esteem on comparing ourselves to others. Instead, let’s honor that our journey is our journey, love ourselves in the process, and get on with it.
2. Refuse to live in the past.
People with low self-esteem often hold on to their old mistakes. They replay them in their minds again and again, wishing they could do things differently. But the problem is that you can’t change the past.
The first step toward increasing your self-esteem is forgiving and letting go of mistakes. A powerful technique is journaling about past errors and destroying the pages when finished. If the temptation to relive your past mistakes surfaces, remind yourself that those pages of your life are gone and that today’s a new day.
3. Settle the Score (in your mind once and for all)
Past experiences often shape us and affect us far more than we realize. Negative situations in your past can make it hard for you to believe in yourself. Maybe you were in a toxic relationship with a partner who verbally abused you. Perhaps you grew up with an alcoholic parent, or maybe you were bullied in middle school.
If you don’t take action, your past can be the biggest threat to your present. It can take a toll on your self-esteem and crush your confidence. If you’ve been in a bad situation, you must re-train your thought process. Decide to settle the score once and for all. You may need the help of a therapist or life coach to help you deal with painful situations from your past that are keeping you stuck. But you can do this!
4. Pursue New Experiences
A lack of confidence and self-esteem can often be caused by becoming too comfortable. You do the same things in the same way every single day. You don’t change things up and challenge yourself to experience new things or go beyond what’s safe and comfortable. This habit can cause you to stop growing as a person.
When you go outside your routine and look for new experiences, you open yourself up. You discover new ways to do things. You find solutions that you wouldn’t have come up with any other way. You learn more about yourself and the world around you.
You can find new experiences in your life just by looking for opportunities outside your comfort zone. Try a different type of cuisine. Drive a different route to work—volunteer at an organization that you wouldn’t typically support. Take a weekend road trip and see where you end up.
Your environment shapes your self-confidence, so don’t be afraid to look around at your life and make some changes. Surround yourself with people and experiences that build up your self-esteem and make you happy.
5. Ask Yourself: Are You Playing Too Small?
Sometimes, we feel small because we’re living small. I’m not suggesting that you drop everything and go backpacking through Europe right now or that every moment of your life has to be an epic adventure.
However, getting into a rut is easy for many people with low self-esteem. You start believing that you can’t improve, so stop trying. You create a self-fulfilling prophecy without realizing it. Look at your life right now. What limitations have you accepted without challenging them? What areas of your life have you accepted as “good enough”?
6. Pursue work that you enjoy.
Low self-esteem can take a toll on your ambitions. You may be stuck at a job you hate because you worry that another employer won’t want you or that you have nothing valuable to bring to another employer.
Building up your self-esteem can help you find work that you’ll enjoy. Start by looking at your current job. What do you like about it? What areas do you shine in? If you’re in a job you hate yet can’t change, try to do activities you enjoy in your free time. Start a new hobby. This strategy is a simple way to discover talents and abilities that you didn’t know you had.
7. Finish a project you care about.
What invokes your curiosity or seems fun? Maybe you’re crafty and can knit blankets. Perhaps you love creating new recipes in your kitchen. When you focus on finishing projects you enjoy, your self-esteem will slowly increase. You’ll start to feel better about yourself and have the energy to do even more things you love.
When building up your self-esteem, understand that it’s a gradual process. Concentrate on taking small steps toward your goals and be kind to yourself when you make a mistake.
8. Dream again.
It is always possible to start dreaming again. What would you love to do? Consider what you’d like your life to look like if money and time weren’t factors. (I know this is an old-school personal development question, but it can be an effective way to get started) Would you take dance classes? Start your own business? Embrace your inner artist. Travel across the country. You can’t work toward your dreams until you’ve identified them. It’s completely fine to have multiple dreams. Most people are multi-passionate. They have a passion for several different things. You don’t have to pick one dream and do only that for the rest of your life. Be creative and see what you discover.
Final thoughts
We all need to be reminded occasionally that our self-esteem is under attack. However, realizing that it is vital to pay attention to it is the lesson to be learned. Spend time noticing how you speak to yourself. It is a telltale sign of where you are on the self-esteem spectrum—being aware that your self-esteem can fluctuate and learning strategies to nurture it is an excellent place to start. You may encounter setbacks as you learn new ways to boost your self-esteem. Just remember that this is a practice that requires patience, not perfection.
You can do this!
Be well + prosper,
Elaine xx
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