Although it may seem impossible to reduce conflict enough to really enjoy everyday life, it is possible. Our everyday lives are becoming more and more challenging as stress is taking its toll and anxiety is becoming an epidemic. Unfortunately, it’s our closest relationships that can be hit the hardest. The very relationships that should provide a safe haven can sometimes turn into a lion’s den.
To add more tranquility to your life and create an environment of peace and harmony, let’s explore some intelligent ways to reduce conflict and enjoy your life, even more.
CREATE A TIME OUT FOR YOURSELF
Instead of rushing straight home after a hectic work day, give yourself a time out. We can easily become so drained from workplace emotional labor, and unrealistic expectations that by the time we get home our tank is running on empty. Try visiting a local park, for example, and look at the trees, enjoy the sounds of nature while you sit in your car and listen to your favorite music or read a few chapters of great book. Before you know it, you’ll feel refreshed and energized and ready to spend quality time with those you love most.
DISTINGUISH FACTS FROM FICTION.
When we disagree with someone, we frequently get worked up over not just the incident that happened, but the judgments we made about the situation and the person. Those feelings that were evoked in us and the story we make up about what it all means can be toxic. Take ownership for your own feelings. The other person didn’t “make you feel” a particular way. They did what they did. You interpreted it the way you did. You chose to feel the way you did. Own it.
DISTINGUISH BETWEEN MOTIVE AND EMOTIONS
We often assume we know what the other person was intending to do ‘to us’. The only thing we really know is the reaction we had to the other person’s behavior. Recognize that they may not have ‘meant’ to disrespect, hurt, ignore or control you. Also recognize that if you are the perpetrator, just because your motive was innocent, that doesn’t negate the feelings the other person experienced. Be quick to properly discern the true motive and even quicker to respect and honor the other person’s emotions.
TRANSFORM COMPLAINTS INTO REQUESTS
Just Imagine that any given complaint (yours or another’s) is really a request in disguise. Next time you catch yourself complaining, just stop then ask for what you’re about to complain about instead. Be sure though to make the request to someone who has the power to grant it. Complaining or making requests to just anyone else won’t get your problem solved.
START WHERE YOU ARE
This one is sure to reduce conflict and can be instrumental in building better relationships. Try to open the dialog with “I’d like to say something, but I’m afraid that I’ll… or you’ll…” You’ll be surprised at the impact that sharing your vulnerability up front will have on the receptivity of the other person. You’ll also be surprised at how easily the important message will come to the forefront of the conversation.. This increases the likelihood of actually discussing and possibly resolving the issue at hand versus it just getting lost in the screaming match.
TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION, ROLE OR INFLUENCE.
Recognize that you may have something to do with the continued existence of the problem. Figure out what actions you can take to solve your own dilemma. Instead of shifting blame, be creative and uncover the truth about how you may have contributed to the problem in the first place. To really reduce conflict, be sure to share these revelations with the other person. This could skyrocket your credibility and cause the other person to make more space in their heart for you.
DON’T RESORT TO STONEWALLING
According to Wikipedia: “Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate. Body language may indicate and reinforce this by avoiding contact and engagement with the other party.” Stonewalling can have devastating effects on a serious relationship. Everyone deserves the right to be heard. Stonewalling is a passive aggressive technique that blocks communication. It creates distance and sabotages intimacy. In a worse case scenario, long term stonewalling can cause a couple to silently live separately lives. Stonewalling is more common than you might have imagined and it can cause deep frustration and misery. If you or someone you know is experiencing this in their relationship, it might be time to seek professional help to break the silence and reduce the conflict that is literally destroying the relationship.
BE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Take good care of you. Make sure you’re getting enough quality sleep, eating a well balanced diet and exercising regularly. Also, put a consistent stress relief plan in place. Make self care a high priority on your list. As you know, it’s almost impossible to care for others when you are neglecting yourself. Create a calm atmosphere around you. It’s difficult to fight with someone who is exuding peace and calmness.
When your mental and emotional health is on point, you are less likely to be overly aggressive and belligerent thereby reducing conflict in your personal space.
Life is too short to be fighting with people all the time. It simply doesn’t make any sense. As a matter of fact, it’s downright childish to be full of angst and starting miniature wars with those around you. If you find yourself constantly in conflict, do the deep internal work that’s required to set yourself free. No one wants to have to walk on eggshells just because you walked in the room. There could be a serious underlying condition that causes burst of misguided anger and rage. If you can’t seem to sort yourself out, be brave, grow up and get the professional help that your soul is crying out for. Don’t settle for less than awesome. Why? Because you’re worth it.
I hope this helps. Until next time.
Be well + prosper
Elaine