Imagine How much brighter your world would be if you had the inner strength and the tools to release resentment right now. Not tomorrow, not next week or next year, but right now! You’re probably feeling pretty awesome just knowing that you can actually break free from this immobilizing emotion. I believe that can and you will.

As always the first step in the healing process is awareness. Before you can release resentment, you must recognize the signs of resentment and that you have it. Only then can you see how it could be holding you back from a more fulfilling life.

What qualifies as resentment?

By definition, resentment is “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly”.  According to Wikipedia:

“Resentment has been described as the simultaneous or overall combined experience of the feelings disappointment, anger and fear. Usually or at least most of the time, all of those feelings are felt simultaneously when thinking about the subject which is resented, in order for it to qualify as being resentment.”

Resentment  involves anger, but it’s different from just plain anger. You can actually feel the negative feelings of resentment. The distinguishing factor is that resentment is based on past events. It is when you have lingering anger and bad feelings about a person or a circumstance. When you think about it, all those negative emotions start gushing forth, almost as though the injustice took place in that precise moment. Now, that’s some toxic stuff when you stop to think about it. You keep replaying the tape recorder in your mind and before you know it, you’re furious or maybe just irritated.

There are certainly times when anger and resentment can be justified. In other words, there are times when you suffered a tremendous injustice. You were innocent and they were guilty. I’m not suggesting that your pain was not real. What I am saying is that you must take action to deal with the incident in a healthy way. I’m also not suggesting that you sweep it under the rug. I’m suggesting the exact opposite, shine the light on it so can release resentment and get free.

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
― Saint Augustine

Whenever unfair or unjust events occur, you don’t have time to wait for an apology. It may never happen for various reasons. The most popular reason is that the offender often times doesn’t even recognize the offense. You can wait a lifetime for an apology that most likely won’t happen. It’s up to you to decide to release resentment right now, or whenever you notice it taking root in your heart.

7 Ways to Release Resentment

1. Don’t Take It Personally: This strategy won’t always apply to your situation but it might come in handy for minor offenses.  In general, people can sometimes just be insensitive, self absorbed and distracted. Many times the offender may be completely unaware of their behavior and the negative impact that it’s having on you. Instead of taking it personally, give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are having a bad day, didn’t sleep well the night before or some other situation that has them a bit cranky. Give the a “get out of jail free pass” and move on.
2. Write In Your Journal:  I am a huge fan of journaling. It is amazing process that can aid in healing the heart. Write about the event or the person that wounded you. Also, write down any thoughts of how you could of handled the situation differently. In other words, look for ways that you can grow from the experience by taking some responsibility if possible. You can take it a step further and list positive qualities about the other person, if there are any.
3. Turn off the Tape Recorder: Stop mentally rehearsing the event over and over. Remember mentally rehearsing the situation is the literally foundation of resentment. It’s what keeps you stuck in the past, feeling negative towards yourself and others. You might need help to do this. As crazy as this may sound, you can wear a rubber band on your wrist and pull it ever so gently when you find yourself going down that rabbit trail. It sounds silly, but can be very effective. Search for other mind diverting tactics to help you to move on.
4. Focus on Your Strengths: If you’ve been the victim of unjust criticism, this one works like a charm. Instead of constantly rehearsing the fault finding voice of another. Dig deep and unearth your strengths. There are online assessments that will help you zero in on your strengths. Studying and cultivating your strengths goes a long way in helping you release resentment of that critical person in your life.
5. Create Some Physical Distance: If a all possible, it is easier to release resentment when you are at a physical distance from the perpetrator. This is not always possible, but when it is, try it. It might be easier to heal when you are out of the presence of the person or the situation.
6. Forgive the Offender: Forgiveness is an act of faith. The feeling sometimes take a while to follow but they will. You might not feel like you’ve forgiven the person because those old negative feelings still try to raise their ugly head. Give it time and in some cases distance, stick to your strategies especially turning off the tape recorder and before you know it, that offense will be a distant faded memory.
7. Seek Professional Help: I’m a huge fan of getting all the help you need to overcome the obstacles in life. If you find yourself in a situation in which you’ve tried everything to release resentment,  you might need the help of a trained professional. I recommend this even more than talking to a friend. Sometimes our friends can be too close to the situation to offer or recognize the help that you really need to break completely free. This is what trained professionals ar for.

When you struggle to release resentment, it can a toll on your physical, mental and emotional health. There are documented studies that show that holding on to resentment can make you physically ill by affecting your cardiovascular health, blood pressure and even weakening your immune system. There is also evidence that serious mental disorders can arise from not releasing resentment. Be encouraged though, because there is treatment available to help you dive deeper and get the healing and restoration that you need to be the best version of yourself.

Remember this:

“He who angers you, conquers you”
Elizabeth Kenny

All the best,

Elaine