There’s a lot of chatter these days about “changing your life” and to be honest (no pun intended), “changing your life really starts with being more honest with yourself. Self-improvement rises and falls on self-honesty. And guess what..it ain’t always easy. That is why the vast majority of people don’t change their lives because they don’t have the courage that’s needed to take a long look in the mirror. But, that’s NOT you because if it were you would not be reading this article. 

So instead of running around and spewing self-help advice on the uninterested masses, let’s focus for a minute on how you can benefit by being more honest with yourself

You are serious about improving and developing yourself as a person, then learning to be more honest with yourself is an important part of the process and cannot be overlooked.  Honesty is a key aspect of self-development because if you aren’t being honest with yourself, how can you expect do you plan to grow? When you choose dishonesty and delusion you are choosing to see only what you want to see. You are ignoring a whole lot of areas for growth that you would prefer to avoid. These are the things that matter the most. When this is your modus operandi you end up securing short-term pleasure in exchange for a life of joy and happiness. 

Although being more honest with yourself might sting a little in the beginning, but it’s a necessary component of bettering yourself. 

How can you be more honest with yourself?

1. Honor The Light & The Darkness in You

We love to focus on the light, i.e., all the amazing things about ourselves. That’s a great place to start as we travel down the path of self-improvement. Many of us have been so beaten down by life and other people, that we need to see the sunshine in our character and achievements. We are all guilty of embracing all of the good things about our life, while completely ignoring the darkness. This is a mistake because that dark side can tell us a lot about what really needs to change and how we can come up higher in how we engage in life.

Many of us look at our lives a bit like social media. We scroll through timelines of pure joy and bliss. We know deep down inside that isn’t completely real. People only share the best “filtered” bits and pieces (the light). You may be only seeing a slideshow of someone’s life that doesn’t paint a true picture of the hardships they might face. We do this, too, whether it’s on social media or in our own heads. It’s just easier to ignore the darkness rather than deal it head-on. Ignoring your poor behavior or struggles, won’t solve anything, if anything, it could make things worse for you in the long-run. Be honest with yourself about everything in your life, the light, and the darkness, that balanced view will keep you sane by warding off self-delusion.

2. We All Make Bad Decisions  – Take Ownership

Making bad decisions is a part of life. We all have done it and continue to do it. No one is expected to perfect. The problem here is when you refuse to take responsibility for the bad decisions that you’ve made. This one alone can cause you to unintentionally alienate people. When you can’t put on your big girl pants and admit that your wrong, people start to distance themselves from you. It’s not just the actual bad decision that’s the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that you can’t admit your mistake. It is one of the most difficult aspects of being honest with yourself. It’s easy to slip into ego protection mode and find an excuse for your behavior or someone else to blame for your mistake. Unfortunately, that’s not going to help you build a real sense of self-esteem, though. True self-esteem, true confidence lies in being courageous enough to own up to mistakes. When you can stand up and own your shortcomings you can learn and grow. Not only that, people will admire your honesty and strength of character.

3. Get Into Your Feelings

I love this one because so many of us have been taught to bury and stuff our feelings and keep on moving. #BadAdvice. When people say they’re caught up in their feelings it’s usually used in a negative connotation. Yet, your emotions have an important role to play in how you understand and interact with the world around you. Emotions may not be a reality, but they are revealing. When you dig deep to figure out why you feel a certain way, you’re learning about the things that tend to make you feel that way. More importantly, you’re learning how to manage and respond appropriately. This is a level of honesty that your stress levels (and social circle) will appreciate. Not dealing with your emotions honestly will cause your stress hormones to soar and your social circle to dwindle.

4. Don’t Try To Live Someone Else’s Life

In an attempt to be more honest with yourself, you must ask some deep questions concerning the things that really matter to you. Because we live in the golden days of the Internet and so much information is available, we can easily lose sight of who we really are and what we truly want in life. After all the juicy images that constantly cause you to second what you want in life are you so enticing. I know, right? Either that or someone else is forcing their version of who we need to be down our unsuspecting throat. Take a step back and start diving deep into some self-analysis to really find out what makes your heart sing. Don’t be afraid to try different experiences until you find out what is right for you. Don’t worry if you suck at what you love at first. Because if you love it, chances are you’ll stick with it long enough to become awesome at it. You will be happy and fulfilled in the long run.

5. Let Go of Always Wanting To Be Right

Jeez. We really need to grow up and put EGO in its rightful place..under our feet. When my kids were young, I used to teach them: “No one likes a know it all”! It’s still true to this day. A truer statement would be: “Know one is a know it all”. Since no one is a know it all, then it’s impossible to be right every time about everything under the sun. What price are you willing to pay for always being right? Is it worth, losing the people closest to you because you simply can’t accept anyone’s point of view but your own? Is it worth your personal growth or reaching your potential here on earth? Of course, not. Humility is a bridge that brings people together and fosters a sense of community. Pride is a barrier that destroys the community and leaves you alone with your precious EGO. Once again, ask yourself..is it worth it?

Being honest with yourself is a lifetime journey that requires both time and patience. I know this message may seem a little rough. The reason why is because this is an area that’s very challenging to bring awareness to. In practice though, remember to be kind and gentle with yourself as you go through this process. You may experience a wide range of emotions from salty tears to unspeakable joy. Whatever emotions that come to the surface, just embrace them as this is evidence of where you are and where you need to be. Being more honest with yourself is a transformational exercise that will leave you more confident, grateful, fulfilled, self-aware and ultimately a better version of yourself.

As always,

Be well + prosper,

Elaine