Everybody deals with the fear of rejection to some degree. That’s the first thing. You are not alone!

But, before we dive deep into some of the ways to free yourself from the fear of rejection, let’s explore the origins of this specific type of fear and why it’s so hard to deal with in the first place. 

Rejection, by far is one of the most common emotional wounds that we experience today. We all experience it at some point in our lives. Opportunities for us to experience this pain are all around us. From not getting enough likes and shares on our social media posts to being snubbed by a coworker, friend, spouse, or family member, the risk of rejection experiences is endless. 

Real talk: This pain can stop us dead in our tracks, causing us to second guess everything else we do, think, or feel. While some may fall prey to this deadly emotion more readily than others, we have all felt the sting of even the occasional snide remark and played it over and over in our heads. 

Why is this? 

How is this happening to us?

It turns out that the answer is backed by scientific research. Our brains are intrinsically wired to respond this way when we encounter rejection.  In a 2011 study, MRI test results revealed that a certain part of the brain lights up when we encounter rejection (perceived or real). It is the same part of our brain that lights up when we experience physical pain. In other words, it seems as though the brain doesn’t distinguish the difference between being bitten by a dog and being ostracized by your family members. This is why rejection is so painful and why we avoid it at all costs.

The “how” can be traced to our hunter-and-gatherer days. We were accustomed to moving and shaking in a tribe. 🙂 The absolute worst thing in that world was to be shunned and outcast from the group and left to fend for yourself on your own. Somewhere along the line, our brains got hard-wired into associating getting kicked out of the group with being eaten by a mountain lion. 

Even though they may not know the science behind the fear of rejection, many cult leaders and manipulative personalities alike have a profound understanding of the usefulness of rejection. This is why they dangle the carrot of acceptance in our faces and make us pay for it with our souls… Ah, yeah…..NO! 

All hope is not gone. You can get stronger and build resilience against the paralyzing effects of the fear of failure.  Stay tuned because I’m going to give you a few strategies on how to set yourself free from this immobilizing pain and live your life to the fullest.

Here are 5 Ways You Can Break Free from the Fear of Rejection:

1- Learn the Art of Truly Loving Yourself

You may have heard “love yourself, girl” so many times that it’s become a trite expression. The truth is that loving yourself is a powerful shield against the fear of rejection. Here’s why. When you cultivate a strong sense of self, you are not an easy target for the cruelty of others. No matter, how much you are “unfairly” rejected, the trained voice in your head doesn’t agree with the voice of the adversary. As the darts are coming, you’re being gentle and loving with yourself by speaking words of strength and encouragement. Even if you have failed at something, you know deep in your heart that you are not a failure. You have the inner strength to pick yourself up, shake the dust off your feet and move on.

2- Be Realistic About the Lesson Learned  From Mistakes

Again, everybody makes mistakes. It is the natural process of growth. If you’re not making mistakes you standing still. The key is to be realistic about the lessons you learn from making a mistake. Just because you’ve been called out for your mistake, doesn’t necessarily mean that you are being rejected. A better strategy is to learn from your mistakes and to give them another try. Doing anything in life requires practice and persistence. Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bike? The first few times, you kept falling off the bike. With practice and time, you were able to ride your bike with no problem. Everything we do is a learning experience so do not get discouraged if you don’t make it on the first or second go-round. Understand the benefits of making mistakes and see them as growth experiences, not as personal rejection.

3- Keep A Positivity Notebook and Record Your Wins

Sometimes, our negative thoughts will get the best of us when we fail to meet our goals. We can even experience the fear of rejection from ourselves in this case.  A very helpful strategy is to keep a notebook of positive statements that make you feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation or quote that makes you feel good, write it down in your positivity notebook. Whenever you feel discouraged, you can read those statements. 

Create a section in your notebook to record your wins. The brain has a short memory when it comes to our accomplishments. By keeping track of what you have done well, you can encourage yourself that you will eventually conquer what you’re currently facing and it too will end up as an entry in your positivity journal.

4- Ask For Help

Asking for help can make a difference in the world. Talking to someone who has been there can give us insights into how to overcome our current situation. A friend can also encourage and remind us that we are not alone. You will come to realize that everyone is not out to reject you. 

5- Consider That It May Not Be About You

When faced with rejection, it’s easy to personalize the experience. By doing so, you may fear there is something wrong with you when that could easily be far from the truth. Before reacting, spend some time considering all the ways or reasons why you’re being rejected may have nothing to do with you. For example, if you fear that the person you are interested in dating won’t respond to your advances, consider the reasons it may not be about you at all. They could just be busy, in a bad place in life, or seeing someone else already. Try to think outside of the box and beyond your insecurities. 

Finally, you must consider that nobody has a 100% success rate every time at everything. Expecting some failure in life is normal and healthy. If you find yourself constantly fearing rejection, it may be helpful to think of all the times you succeeded in various areas of your life in the past.  If the past is a strong indicator of the future, you’ll see that you might lose some, but you’ll win some too! It’s part of life, and no reason to fret about it. 

Incorporate a few of these strategies into your life and you’ll grow stronger, wiser and a little less intimidated by the fear of rejection. The fear of rejection will begin to loosen its immobilizing grip on you. At the end of the day, you’ll be just fine. 

Be well + prosper.

Elaine xx