We all want to be good parents, right? We love our kids. We want to be the best mom or dad we can be for them. But if you’re like most people, you probably don’t feel prepared for the overwhelming task that is parenting. There are no ultimate ‘how-to’ guidelines for being a parent. There’s no real-life training, no diploma, no certification that gives you the skills you need before you take the job on.
Thank goodness so many “good” parents are noted for sharing information and experience! Right? Yes and no. So many of us have experienced that unsolicited advice that reeks of pride and judgment or is just outdated.
Reaching the heights of good parenting is part knowledge, part wisdom, part experience, part desire, and a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears. If you can somehow rise to the ranks of being a good parent while being fulfilled in the process, then you have achieved a small miracle.
I have done this and I believe you can too.
Here are a few tips to help you feel more fulfilled as a parent while doing an awesome job of raising those precious children:
- Make your child’s self-esteem and confidence a priority
In the early days of child-rearing, I had this deep knowing that I wasn’t just raising my children, but I was actually raising adults. Having a solid sense of self is pure gold in one’s toolbox as one ventures out into the real world. At the time, I wasn’t fully aware of what I was doing. But now looking back, I was subconsciously planting seeds of confidence and building their self-esteem along the way. And yes, this is a priority because as you know belief in one’s self is paramount to success in life.
Your child will start to form their self-esteem, the estimation of themselves, right from their earliest days. You are the most important person in their life, and your word is the law. Your behavior, your tone, your words shape their reality. You have the big responsibility of being the most important influence on their self-esteem, so choose kind words that show them how much you love them. Above all, let your child know that mistakes are part of what makes us human and have nothing to do with how much you love them or how good a person they are.
2. Focus on the positives
It’s easy to nick pick or focus on your child’s ‘bad’ behavior or their underachievements because human beings are negative by nature. Negativity is our default mode. It takes way more effort to catch them being good and to reward good behavior with hugs and praise.
Try to model politeness by saying please and thank you to your child, just as would to some random stranger in the street. Kids are very much affected by your attitudes, positive or negative. When you focus on something, you will get more of the same: if you expect your child to behave well, you should find opportunities to behave well too because they will actually respond to that. If you expect naughtiness, they will rise to that expectation. So, choose what sort of behavior you want to encourage and focus on that.
3. Set clear boundaries and respect their boundaries
Children need to know where the limits are. They will only learn self-discipline and self-control if you help them. Having consistent, clear boundaries and consequences for breaching those boundaries will help your children learn what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not.
Likewise, respect their boundaries. This one is harder because as the parent you may feel like “this is my house and I can …….”. And you are right and you can…… But as human beings we all need our privacy and boundaries, even children. For example, when you just run roughshod through their spaces and disrespect their boundaries it can make them feel violated in a subtle way. It can also send a message that in adulthood can translate into feelings of unworthiness.
4. Spend quality time with your kids
More than anything else, your children want to spend time with you and connect with you. Acting out and misbehaving is often sign kids are trying to get your attention any way they can, even if it’s negative.
Special quality time is nice, but sharing household tasks, walking the dog, or just watching TV together are all good ways to just be with your kids.
5. Don’t forget yourself
Self-care is critical for parents, especially women. As you are tasked with raising these beautiful children into responsible adults, don’t forget yourself in the process. Be sure to take the time away from the family to get refreshed and restored.
The importance of a solid morning routine is worth mentioning. Even if it’s a few undisturbed minutes before everyone is out of bed, do it. This practice will fortify you for the journey ahead. Also, remember to get proper sleep, move your body, and eat yummy nourishing foods and drink copious amounts of clean water. The better you feel, the better you will treat those around you. I’m not suggesting perfection, I am however suggesting a perfect effort to be the best that you can be. These practices and habits will cause you to be stronger and more fulfilled as a parent for sure.
Final thoughts
The laziest and least fulfilling approach to parenting is to do what your own parents did without observation and question. No! Honor your parents and be thankful for them. But, be aware that they did the best that they could with what they had, but you are tasked with doing better. Whenever I hear someone say: “Well, if it was good enough for me, then it is good enough for my child…I turned out just fine!”, I cringe. This is ignorance, pride, ego, and laziness on steroids. Don’t fall for this. You take the time, invest the energy and love that it takes to understand and connect your unique child in this ever-changing world that we live in today. You will need to design a hybrid approach in order to be a great parent and be fulfilled in the process.
After all, shouldn’t the latter be greater than the former?
I think so. 🙂
Be well + prosper,
Elaine